Dreams

I dream in full color. Action packed blockbuster movies. And all of my dreams conjure up real emotions. I have woken with tears on my cheeks and an uncontrollable sadness. I have woken from dreams so scary that my heart is racing and I have to sleep the rest of the night with the lights on. And I've had dreams so happy that I've tried to go back to sleep to dream them again (like when I was about six years old and dreamed I was on the TV show Happy Days, and I was Pinkie - the Fonz's girlfriend).

At one time I considered blogging just about my dreams, but then thought A) it might be too revealing or worse B) it would just get boring.

But two nights ago I had a dream worth sharing. In my dream I was back in high school. Not either of the two high schools I had actually attended, but it was clearly a high school with hallways, lockers, and classrooms. The halls were full of students. Some I recognized from my past, while most were strangers. What made the dream remarkable was the pervasive feeling of loneliness. In my dream, I had no friends. I wandered the hallways with no one to talk to. The loneliness was absolute and complete. It consumed me so that it was hard to walk. I dragged my feet along the linoleum and stooped with sagging shoulders. The loneliness was so heavy.

I woke from the dream, and it took me till the afternoon to shake the blues. But the dream helped me remember something I had forgotten. I used to be lonely. Junior High and High School was an undulation of highs and lows, but I certainly experienced moments of extreme loneliness.

Now here's the kicker. Since moving here, three of my five children have expressed feelings of sadness and loneliness. However, I chalked it up to par-for-the-course. Yes, moving is hard. And yes, until you make friends, moving can be lonely.

Even as recent as the holiday break, my children shared how they did not want to go back to school. It wasn't until this dream, this pseudo reality that seemed so real, that I became more aware of what my children are going through and feeling right now.

My eyes were open and I took time to not only ask each one what is really going on at school, but also listen to their answers.

Some of the answers weren't easy to hear.

Life is hard. Life is hard when a mom's kiss can't make everything better. Life is hard when a yummy breakfast isn't enough to get through the next 7 hours of bus rides and school. Life is hard when you are lonely.

I just pray that my children know they are loved. And that my love, my husband's love, and the love of their Heavenly Father, will be enough.

Roaming the halls...I hope they know they're never alone.