Lessons From Losing

Nobody likes to lose. From board games to soccer games, losing is never fun. And over the past couple weeks, my children have encountered loss.

I confess, it's much easier for me to parent a child when they win. It's easy to cheer them on, give them a high five, and dust a place off the shelf for a new trophy. Celebration is easy. The irony, of course, is that I believe good parenting is more crucial when helping a child with a loss than a win. Right?

Consolation. Looking on the bright side. Resilience. Those are things I struggle with as an adult, let alone help my children understand.

This week, Tman made it to the finals in the elementary school chess tournament. As the defending champion from last year, Tman had high expectations of himself. He had practiced over the year with his Dad (even beating him twice). He studied a book about chess strategies and played online chess games whenever I'd let him. He was pumped, excited, and prepared for the tournament.

He won all his games and earned himself a spot in the finals. The first round of the final game ended in a stalemate. But yesterday, in the final game, Tman's opponent won.

There were tears. Of course.  But Tman reached across the chess board and shook hands with the winner.

Last night as I talked to Tman in his room, I told him how proud I am of him. I tried to remind my son that what makes him amazing is the person he is. Not the accomplishments, accolades, or collection of trophies. I tried to remind him how much courage and strength of character it took to shake hands with his opponent and congratulate him on the win...while inside his own heart was breaking. That is a measure of a greatness.

I also made his favorite dessert (chocolate mint brownies) because I'm his mom, and that's what moms do.

I remember the soccer season when Madi's team lost every single game. Yes, every game. That was hard. But thank goodness she didn't give up. From that experience I learned that what we choose to do in the midst of defeat not only defines who you are, but helps you truly align your priorities. Do you play to win? Or do you play because you love what you're doing?

Life is full of loss. And I know there will come a time for all my children when they will face loss much more challenging that a soccer game or a chess tournament. There will come a day when chocolate mint brownies won't help at all. My hope and prayer is that because of what they've learned as children will make them better prepared to deal with loss as adults.

Never give up. 

Keep trying. 

Love what you do. 

Remember that what is on the inside, is what truly matters. 

Shake hands with the winner.

And call home (me or Heaven...or both).