Mothering

This is going to be a messy post. I can tell before even beginning to write it. Mostly because everything I want to say about "Mothering" right now is all jumbled like a tangled knot of yarn in my mind. And if that's the way it is in my mind...then it can't come out much better in the written word.

Mothering. I'll admit, in some ways it's gotten easier. Now that my kids span the ages of 3 to almost-12 (instead of 4 and under), I have much less messy messes. Less poop to clean up. Less spills to wipe. Less on-my-hands-and-knees time. With the exception of my youngest, I no longer have to bathe, dress, and hand feed all my kids. And because I have very independent, older children, they often pitch in and do big jobs like bathe, dress, and feed CJ.

I used to be stretched to my physical limits. Exhaustion was my constant companion.

The physicality of motherhood was the challenge.

But now I'm dealing with some new challenges. Namely, meeting the emotional needs of all my kids. Everyone is vying my for attention. When the kids get home from school there are after school activities, homework, field trips, and forms to sign.

And that's the easy stuff. Then there are the heart-break days, the feeling-lonely days, and the I-didn't-do-good-on-my-test days.

And even on the not-hard days, all five children just want a piece of me. A piece of my attention. From Tman with his chess, to CJ and her art projects, to Madi and her music, to Meya and her craft projects, to Leasie and her social needs.

I used to lament about not having enough hands. Now the problem seems to be, I don't have enough ears to listen, or heart to sympathize, or enough brain power to help them figure out all that is going on in their worlds.

And inevitably, someone goes to bed feeling sad, or bummed out, or empty.

How's that for messy and not neatly tied up?

I don't have a great ending for this post. I just hope my kids know that I love them. Love them so very much. And I hope they can feel that love...even if I can't help them with everything.