2016 Highlights #6-8

And the highlights continue...

#6 - Loudoun County Fair. When the kids were in elementary school, the county fair was the highlight of our summer. With a four year break because of Indonesia, coming back to the fair grounds was nostalgic and exciting. It was definitely a family affair - a week of baking, competitions, rodeos, demolition derby, fried food, animal responsibilities, and interacting with the club members and the general public.

This year, the girls entered the Miss Loudoun County competition...and Madi won! She spent most of the week handing out ribbons at the various animal competitions. 

#7 - Trip to Cape Cod. I took my children back to the place I called home for five years. I moved to Sandwich, MA my sophomore year and graduated from high school there.  Elise, Madi, and I ran my old route through the quaint Sandwich village, around the old grist mill, and past Heritage plantation. Memories surfaced with every corner and twist in the road.

If I had to name a single favorite moment of 2016, it would be jumping off the Sandwich boardwalk with Madi after a morning run. 

If I had to name a single favorite food from 2016 it would be the "Dream Cones." Three scoops of homemade ice cream are the epitome of summer.

And if I had to name a favorite day of the entire year, it would be the day Shelley and Nelson took us on their boat to a private beach for a BBQ with their family. Toes in the sand. Hamburgers grilled on the beach. A swim to cool off. Buying ice cream from the Ice Cream truck boat. Talking books and comparing teacher and mothering experiences with my dear friend. Best. Day. Ever.

 #8 Running! Besides running from activity to activity, we are definitely a family of racing runners. This fact became even more clear this year when Truman and Amelia joined the ranks of our runners. Truman won the middle school bulldog mile (pictured below with the fastest high schooler in the US Drew Hunter), and Amelia joined the NOVA Acer track and xcountry teams. 

Elise and Madi became teammates as they ran on varsity together. I love to cheer them on. But mostly, I love to watch them cheer on each other. 

2016 Highlights #1-5

With my poorest record of posts this year (a paltry 8 posts), I hardly know where to start. But Elise encouraged me to list the highlights and then press forward with renewed commitment for 2017. Our lives have been full. Full of events, activities, challenges, tears, laughter, homework, deadlines, meals, and celebrations. They've also been full of very mundane moments...moments hardly worth recording. A brief snuggle on the couch, Saturday morning chores, Redbox rentals, sick days, Sunday afternoon walks, daily dish jobs, runs on the trail, and instrument practicing before school. Yet, it seems strange to record the large, rare moments when really our lives are made up much more of the small and mundane.

But pressing forward...our 2016 Highlights #1-5:

1. Madi turned 16, and to celebrate, we went to NYC! From the two Broadway musicals (Lion King and Neverland) to the corner suite upgrade at the Marriott Marquis, the entire weekend was magical.

2. St. Thomas vacation! We cashed in our miles and Marriott points and flew to St. Thomas for my husband's birthday. The snorkelling, kayaking, blue sky, and turquoise water was balm to our souls. My favorite memory is beach hopping from Magen's Bay to Coki beach where my husband snorkelled to his heart's content! Shortly after this trip, our lives changed significantly with my husband's night shift work. The memories of this trip seem very dreamlike...like a lifetime away.

3. Bunnies and Chickens. After a year of no animals because of our move and house building, we finally got bunnies and chickens again. We went from zero pets to over 20! The rabbits took over the garage (a fact I'm not thrilled with but have resigned to). Truman helped his dad build a coop for the chickens. We experienced the full array of emotions with exciting baby bunny births and tragic fox attacks. 

 4. A new driver, dating, and prom. With Madi's 16th birthday, all of our lives changed. The biggest change was adding a driver to our family. Madi drives to early morning seminary on some mornings and with some pretty amazing car drop-off-choreography, she often has a car to drive home after school. Oh the joy of having an extra driver! Also, Madi was asked to Mormon prom by Jared Schoeny...a landmark occasion for her as well as me. How can my first baby be old enough to go to prom?

5. Youth Conference at Kirtland, OH. I was called to serve in the stake Young Women's earlier this year. And so far, the most thrilling part of this calling was getting to accompany the youth to Kirtland. It was a whirlwind weekend of spiritual experiences with friends and my girls. We were asked to participate in a reenactment, I taught one of the sessions at the Johnson farm, and Madi and Elise sang with the youth choir. The meeting in the Kirtland temple was what Madi called, "this year's highlight." 

That Little Candle

The highlight of our holiday season was "lights." 

The first set of lights came when we toured the luminary-filled fields of Antietam. When we entered the park, four rows of luminaries flanked the road. One light for every fallen and wounded soldier at the battle of Antietam. Twenty thousand lights total. But it wasn't until we came up over the first ridge and saw an entire field alight that we began to grasp the sobering reality of the battle. Then came the next field, and the next, and the next. Field after field. Hill after hill covered in lights. 

When we were about half way through the park Charlotte said quietly, "I wish the drive was shorter." At first, we thought maybe she was bored. But then she started to cry, and we realized she understood exactly what she was seeing and the magnitude of loss was overwhelming.

I have never seen anything more beautiful and haunting. It stirred my soul. The experience led to a spontaneous discussion of the plan of salvation and questions of how so many people can call on the same God and be heard. When I think back over our holiday experiences, this one stands out most clearly. 

The second moment of "lights" was at the National Cathedral Lessons and Carols by Candlelight on December 23rd. This was our second year to attend the program, so I anticipated the symbolic lighting of the candles with excitement. The light spread through the cathedral as each person lit their neighbor's candle. Candles were lit by a family member, a friend, or stranger. And as the music and light filled the the cavernous room, I felt joy and light and peace.  

 

William Shakespeare wrote (in Merchant of Venice), "How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a weary world."

When I look back over the 2016, I can't pinpoint any huge accomplishment. My personal journey was a series of small steps. Mostly supportive steps. In order to support Dad's job change, I side-stepped, and gave up some things I usually enjoy. My life was a cumulation of making hot breakfasts, going on runs, squeezing in work, driving kids to activities, and cheering other people on. But there were definitely moments of light. Small "little candle" moments. Seeing my children overcome obstacles, serving in the church, watching a friend enter a chapel to play her violin, running errands with my kids and just talking with them, asking for forgiveness, presenting a rare good lecture where I taught Truth (with a capital "T"), having friends accompany me to my scary doctor appointment, seeing a student learn, feeling humbled by the cancer work I do, and actually finishing reading a chapter book to my children...these were the little lights.

My hope for 2017 is to keep looking for the light and in whatever small way possible, keep lighting my little candle.

Happy New Year!

Charlotte Turns Eight

Oh Charlotte, how can you be eight years old already? You are still the sunshine in our family. You sing in your room, at the dinner table, and in the car. You play best with Truman. I've looked in Truman's room to see his floor covered with legos and the two of you busy building. On special occasions, Elise gets out her American Girl doll and you play tea party or birthday party together. Recently, Amelia helped you sew your own dresses for Mary Ellen.

You also like your own imaginary play. There have been afternoons or Sunday mornings when I realize I haven't seen you in an hour, and then I find you deep in imaginary play--usually with shopkins or petshops, a miniature town built with carpet squares and calico critter furniture.

I have to add that you can delve out a powerful thunderstorm too! You've got your own trademark sass. That's the firecracker personality you've had even as a toddler.

This year was a family birthday party. You asked for lemon cake with lemon frosting. When we sang the birthday song, you waved your arms conducting the song. As the youngest, the one who gets dragged to soccer games, school concerts, and xcountry meets, you relished the attention as we celebrated you!

Both sets of grandparents attended your baptism. Grandma and Poppy traveled all the way from Washington state, and Grandad and Nana drove 16 hours one-way from Mississippi. They love you very much. Aunt Allison and Gage also came--so you were surrounded with family! Even though there was a BYU football game in Washington DC, we were surprised how many of our ward friends made it to the event. The primary room was full.

Madi and Truman played the piano and Grandma led the music. Sister Davis gave a talk about one of your favorite princesses: Rupunzel from Tangled. She talked about Rupunzel wanting to see the "lights" and going through challenges to reach goals. Elise, Madi, and Truman performed a musical number. You requested "For the Beauty of the Earth" for the opening song and "How Great Thou Art" for the closing song. I was a mess during the closing song - I gave up trying to sing and just cried.

Dad baptized you and Grandad and Grandpa were the witnesses. When you came into the changing room afterward you kept saying, "I feel so happy! I feel so happy!" You looked beautiful. We hugged and hugged!

I gave a talk about the Holy Ghost. I showed the picture of you and Yuli and talked about how she helped keep us safe, made us feel happy, and took care of our family. Then I compared that to the Holy Ghost. Every member of our family cried because we miss Yuli, but also because we could feel the spirit.

It is a strange experience as a mom to watch my last child be baptized. It is a celebration, certainly. A bit of a relief too. But there is also a sadness...not in the event, but in the passing of time and the end of an era. I don't have small children in the house anymore. Everyone is accountable. The next big celebration in our family will the transition from home phase to college phase with Madi's graduation. I'm definitely not ready for that phase!

Thank goodness you came to our family, dear Charlotte! You've extended my "mothering" years and increased my mothering joy. You are loved!

When the Past and Present Meet

It is strangely wonderful to return to a place from my youth…twenty years later. With five of my own children; two the ages I was when I lived there. To see the same familiar sights with adult eyes but remember the feelings and impressions I had as a teenager.

To drive through Sandwich, past the Grist Mill, turning slowly. A steady churn. The white steepled church gleams in the late afternoon light.  We stop across the street from the black antique carriage forever parked in front of the Daniel Webster Inn. The weathered gray-shingled houses nestle cozily in their yards. Deep purple hydrangeas drip from window boxes.

We drive to my old house and park the car along Shaker House Rd. It is evening, and the neighborhood windows glow from inside lights. Some windows hold twinkling candles. Ah the charm of the Cape! 

We pick our way across the grass to the narrow pathway onto the creaky dock. My children sit at the end of the dock…the very dock I visited regularly, during Sunday afternoon family walks or solo evening escapes. Shawme pond is still calm. The same calm I remember from my youth. The trees still hide any sign of residence. A place to reflect. A thinking place. Tiny fish – the size of my finger – jump, sending ripples across the grey surface.

If I would have known as a teenager what life had in store for me, I would have worried less. I would have cried less. The loneliness of teenagerhood would have been bearable. The pond that provided solace still speaks to me.

There is a single moment of stillness. My children look at the same view I had looked at countless times. And time stops. Or overlaps. Or stutters somehow. My two selves meet--the worried teenager with dreams and the adult who now sees her five children sitting there. This is joy. 

And then my son pulls out his giant squirt gun. How did he slip that past me when we were getting out of the car? The quiet erupts with squeals as he shoots a stream of pond water and threatens his sisters.  

This too, is joy. 

My boy and his chickens

On Easter Sunday, my husband surprised the kids with ten baby chicks. They were so young their feathers looked like fur. They were chirping, hopping balls of fluff. Although all the kids enjoyed them, we knew the chicks were really for Truman. He'd raised chickens before we lived overseas, and he was ready to raise them again.

Fast forward four months. The chicks are now full grown with beautiful glossy black feathers and rust accents. Truman loves his chickens. And it seems, they've imprinted on him. They follow Truman around when he's outside, bobbing their heads and making their cheerful clucking noises. Truman takes time to find worms, kneels down, and hand feeds his chickens. He puts them away to roost each night, and gets them up each morning.

So when it was time for Truman to leave for a week at scout camp, his only request was that we take extra good care of his chickens.

The first Monday night he was gone, we decided to go to the drive-in theater in Stephen's City.  Just as we were ready to go, sitting in the car, with the engine rumbling, we realized we should probably put the chickens away to roost for the night. Unfortunately, it was only 5pm...three hours earlier than their normal "bedtime." After some furtive attempts of chasing the chickens around the shed, and out from under the cars, we decided to go ahead and go...postponing the chicken catching until we got home.

We returned at 2:30AM.

Three of the chickens were missing. A few scattered piles of feathers dotted the yard, the only clues to their demise.

We felt horrible. Charlotte cried.

When Truman returned home a few days later, I was the one who told him what had happened. I confessed my lapse in judgement and apologized. I feared he would be either devastated or furious. But he surprised me by being neither. Yes, he was sad. And although my son had every right to be angry with me, he chose to forgive, love, and look on the bright side. "I still have seven, Mom," he said. And then he hugged me.

From the Porch

I went back and forth about whether or not I'd like having a teenage driver. Of course, it's not like I was really going to have a choice about having one. But would I like it? There was the whole "milestone" and end of childhood issue. Then there was the logistical bonus of having an extra driver to help with all the comings and goings at our house.

Madi is a good driver. A conscientious, responsible driver. But there was also the fear of putting her at greater risk behind the wheel...facing other drivers, who maybe aren't as careful or responsible.

In my mind's eye, I imagined the moment of her first solo drive. I pictured us having a serious heart to heart about all these swirling emotions: how happy I am for her independence, how I'm counting on her to make good decisions behind the wheel, and how proud I am of her accomplishment. I wanted to tell her the story of my Dad making me promise to never, never, NEVER drive without a seatbelt and have her make the same promise I did 25 years ago.

As it turned out, the day she was officially licensed was packed full of end of school year activities. I stood in the kitchen preparing dinner while simultaneously helping another child with a final school project. Madi remembered a meeting she needed to attend...and we both realized she could drive there herself.

I walk-jogged with her to the car. And without ceremony or more than a brief "here it is" pause, Madi got in the car. She quickly promised to always wear her seatbelt (without the story about my Dad) and to not listen to music for the first month of solo driving.

And then she was off. The gravel crunched under the wheels as she drove down our driveway. I watched her look left and right and then pull onto Sands Rd.

I watched her from our little side porch.

How many times have I cried on a porch as I've watched my children take big steps? The kindergarten bus. The middle school bus. The high school bus. A first date. And now a first solo drive.

My mom heart is happy for each milestone. But there is sadness too. I am happy for the accomplishments and growth. I'm super happy for the help! But I am sad for endings. My daughter will never need to ask me for a ride again. She will just ask me for the keys.